The autumn rain has finally hit Madrid and it feels so good! The air has been cleansed! It was dangerously contaminated there for a while---the city even placed signs on the roads begging drivers to ditch their cars and take public transportation.
It also feels good because grey weekend mornings are nice, when you’ve got nothing to do. My one complaint? Nah, forget it. It's personal, and why shine the light on the negative?
I've been pessimistic lately. I know it and everyone involved in my world ("this is my world, you're just a part of it!") knows it. It's annoying as hell, and I am sick of myself. This negativity is selfish, and selfishness is NOT one of the things I would like to exhibit. So then I find myself at the state of self-loathing, a feeling which is normal and maybe even arguably healthy at 13. Not at 23.
But negativity is consuming. It's like a scab on your knee when you are 10 years old...you slowly pick away at it, little by little. Things happen, people talk to you, the world turns... you're not really tuned in as you concentrate on your project of making a bad thing worse. For whatever reason, it's the only thing you really care about in the present moment. And then, all of the sudden, the scab is gone. The wound is open and vulnerable, and much worse than when it was an ugly little brown thing that didn't give you much trouble in the first place.
So yea. No complaints here. Thinking positive thoughts. Like the following:
-going to see the NEW Let the right one in movie sometime this weekend, and couldn't be more thrilled
-it's another long weekend in Madrid..the case of the Mondays is a thing of the past [week]
-good friends who do good things for you, especially in pessimistic times
-Halloween party tonight...although still trying to be positive about this (having a hard time getting into the spirit, plus no costume, per usual)
-the unemployment rate in Spain just dropped below 20%...feelin' good for those who beat the odds
Plus I love you!!! :)
ReplyDeleteYou should give yourself credit for being so introspective and actively trying to fix your issues. Everyone goes through slumps, it's the ones who learn from them that recover more quickly!
A movie I recently saw that made me sob with gratitude: Never Let Me Go. If you can find this anywhere, or if you have time to read the award-winning novel by Kazuo Ishiguro, I highly recommend doing so. I was stunned, saddened, but most of all grateful for EVERYTHING. Highly recommended...