saturday ruminations

I was just sitting outside on the balcony enjoying this lovely springtime weather when I glanced at some of our cactuses that sit on a baby blue gardener's bench and thought....are you guys alive??

Then I thought I would take some pictures of them, because alive or not, they sure are cute. I got up to get my camera, which I keep on a shelf right inside the balcony sliding door. There is no rhyme or reason for this particular spot, but I find that leaving it in the same place is an easy way to not lose it.

But no!! Alas it is not there. Where could it possibly be?

Well, knowing me, a lot of places, despite my techniques..

I then proceeded to search the living room, not a lengthy process since I just mega-cleaned it this morning. When I couldn't find it, I tore apart my bedroom. Still no luck.

After a good while of searching, it occurred to me that it must have been stolen. From my very house!!

Rewind to Thursday morning, around 11 a.m; I am alone in my apartment. This man knocks on my door, saying he is an employee of the telephone company and he has come to fix something. Oddly enough our house phone has been broken since forever (it's never worked in all the time we've lived here) so I am thrilled by his presence. Finally! Carlos called the phone company!

But to make a long story short, this man was rather sketchy, first searching the whole house for the telephone line, which I kept telling him was in the living room, then demanding 80 euros as a deposit for the technician who would later come (when?), and finally filling out a tattered form with another telephone company's logo on it. I kicked him out after about 10 minutes, and when he left I looked at my cellphone which he had used to call the technician, realizing that he had made no phone call whatsoever. He was feigning a conversation right in front of me! How gullible I am!!

But I obviously didn't give him any money (even though I definitely considered it), nor was I violated in any way (a possibility that didn't occur to me until his departure). I actually giggled in a shrill, excited manner at my victory, an adrenaline rush from the brush of danger on a typical Thursday morning.

...Until now, that I realize he must have snagged my camera when I stupidly left him alone in the living room to call Carlos and ask him his advice.

This pocket-sized camera was a hand-me-down from my mom, probably some five years old, and not exactly in good physical shape. What I'm angry about, though, is the loss of the photos and videos I had there...the worst part being that I can't even remember them all...

Because I don't remember the existence of these photos, in reality I don't even know what I've lost...

Now this obsession has taken over...what other precious items have I lost, that I don't even know I've lost? How do I confirm that I have all that I once had, without knowing all that I once had? Throughout my whole life, how many things must have gone missing that to this day I still do not miss?!

Well, they say that stupidity is bliss...I'll calm myself with this mantra, that it is better to be left in the dark..