rainy saturday morning

The autumn rain has finally hit Madrid and it feels so good! The air has been cleansed! It was dangerously contaminated there for a while---the city even placed signs on the roads begging drivers to ditch their cars and take public transportation.

It also feels good because grey weekend mornings are nice, when you’ve got nothing to do. My one complaint? Nah, forget it. It's personal, and why shine the light on the negative?

I've been pessimistic lately. I know it and everyone involved in my world ("this is my world, you're just a part of it!") knows it. It's annoying as hell, and I am sick of myself. This negativity is selfish, and selfishness is NOT one of the things I would like to exhibit. So then I find myself at the state of self-loathing, a feeling which is normal and maybe even arguably healthy at 13. Not at 23.

But negativity is consuming. It's like a scab on your knee when you are 10 years old...you slowly pick away at it, little by little. Things happen, people talk to you, the world turns... you're not really tuned in as you concentrate on your project of making a bad thing worse. For whatever reason, it's the only thing you really care about in the present moment. And then, all of the sudden, the scab is gone. The wound is open and vulnerable, and much worse than when it was an ugly little brown thing that didn't give you much trouble in the first place.

So yea. No complaints here. Thinking positive thoughts. Like the following:

-going to see the NEW Let the right one in movie sometime this weekend, and couldn't be more thrilled

-it's another long weekend in Madrid..the case of the Mondays is a thing of the past [week]

-Basia Bulat

-good friends who do good things for you, especially in pessimistic times

-Halloween party tonight...although still trying to be positive about this (having a hard time getting into the spirit, plus no costume, per usual)

-the unemployment rate in Spain just dropped below 20%...feelin' good for those who beat the odds

what's up playaz

Really busy being an asshole at life with a constantly sore throat. It's COLD. I am literally trembling as I type. Is that a bad sign? AND I'm in bed. I did take off my scarf... but I thought I was curing up with a movie..

I downloaded my movie in French.

god.damn.it.

Haha...actually taugt that in a class today (damn, goddamn, goddamnit, damned to hell, condemn, etc).

Sorry, mother. Please pardon my french!

hey carrie!

Hey carrie! We're twins! How's my peace sign?

Looks superb! I just wanted to tell you, just between us little boys, that you are going to LOVE this haircut. There are so many fun things you can do with such little effort!** Such as...

This. It's called the Tidal Wave, created by Cameron Diaz in There's something about Mary.

Then there's this, which I call the Vogue Jogger. Inspired by high-fashion-infused sport.

This one has no name, but I'm more often than not rockin' (and lovin') it.

And then there's the mohawk! It's the only style that might require some effort, aka hair-gel. Use a copious amount and follow as instructed in the picture.

Oh! Can't believe we almost left out this one. It's called the Ambiguous Pat.

**Works best when hair is dirty.

MISS YOU, japonesa!

everyday life, part 2419

So it's been a while since I've been real. This silly thing is about my real, everyday life after all. Plus I really don't feel like doing work...so here we go. Read about my day today, more or less like any other day.

I got up at 8:30 and had a piece of toast (butter and strawberry jam..very un-Spanish of me). Then I strolled along the ten minute walk to Atocha, the central train station in Madrid whose name you might recognize from the 2004 terrorist attack resulting in 191 tragic deaths. But looking at the bright side...it's beautiful, especially with the bright morning sun peaking up over the edge. See?

I got to school by 9:30, just in time to hear the piercing bell ring and wait another 10 minutes for the kids to trample into the classroom and begin class. The next hour was spent talking about Fred and Poppy and Titch, the characters of our 2nd grade textbook, to name a few. "This is Titch. She's my sister" (Fred says this). We completed two pages of the workbook. Pronouns are difficult for seven year-olds.

We then studied how to be healthy in Science, which on this level involves eating well, sleeping a lot, and playing sports. Despite its simplicity, this is also rather complicated for them.

And the morning flew by (30 minute breakfast break, the other 2nd grade English class...) and it was one p.m. and time to hop the train back to Madrid. I came home, ate lunch (pasta, yogurt, pomegranate) and took a 20 minute nap because I can (every day except Tuesdays and Thursdays). Then I went to two and half hours of grueling private lessons, which aren't so bad on Wednesdays because one and a half of those hours are spent with a quirky couple whose enthusiasm to learn english greatly exceeds mine to teach it. Not that I don't like my job, but it can get tiring sometimes with the private lessons. We meet three hours a week, and it's safe to say that we all enjoy the class. Today we corrected love letters they wrote to one another in the roles of Romeo and Juliet. Fun stuff.

Then I hopped the metro back to Lavapies (my 'hood), stopped by a friends place to catch up for a minute, and came home and relaxed. Took advantage of cheap produce for dinner (avocado, tomatoes, onions...) and here I am, stalling preparations for tomorrow's private lessons (two ten year olds, one easy, the other painful) and thinking, "Gee, this post sure has a lot of phrasal verbs in it." I'm having a fiery and sometimes passionate love-affair with my native tongue. I read T.S. Eliot to calm the emotions.

That's all...goodnight.

wise words

Si estamos centrados, seremos como un faro estable ante las olas, los vientos y las tormentas.

typical spanish

A peek into the back of the house

Tarifa, August 2010

the search

It's possible that the place is exactly what she's looking for. The vaulted ceilings, the red velvet armchair, the spacious living room whose vastness remains untainted even by Sombra, the massive great dane who lingers around on four lanky legs.

The room is tiny, but sufficient. At this point, she isn't so preoccupied with details such as these. She longs for that warm feeling of home, that intuition which she has been depriving herself of….

But it's only possible that it will work. She isn't sure…she feels lonely in the apartment. It's far away, the stranger who lives here is cold, shows little interest…

Your heart beats as you press the buzzer. What lays ahead could be it, and you've been considering this possibility since you made the appointment. You're already attached, despite the fact that it was never and may never be yours.

You climb up the stairs--rare to find an elevator--and arrive short of breath. Is it A or B, or C or D? This could make all the difference. You knock, hear footsteps, wait impatiently to set your wild eyes free…

And you're usually disappointed. It's too dark, or it smells funny, or who you thought would be a young peer judging by the neighborhood is actually an old couple who refuse to budge despite changing times. And the search goes on.

But if this isn't the case, if you actually like, maybe even love what you see, your whole body will already start to fill with disappointment, anxiously worrying that it may not be yours in the end, regardless of whatever efforts you make. You know there is a list, and you know this is an interview. You begin to sweat, you speak too quickly, say too much, you are completely transparent and the desperation intensely shines through. You obtain the details, leave feeling hopeful and scared.

You wait a few days to hear back. You nurse the pathetic, false relationship you have made with the place…fantasizing about making breakfast in the kitchen, hanging your clothes to dry in the patio, curling up on the couch to watch a movie in the dead of winter. You've already invited your friends over, they comment on what a lovely apartment you have. You offer them a drink, chit-chatting about the weekend's activity, and they relax in your cozy living room as you enjoy being host. It wasn't easy, but you did it. This is yours, it's perfect, you're inspired, the satisfaction lends to growth.

But this is you delusional. Growth is not an option, as you have no energy left. You have gone absolutely crazy, and you still don't know where home is.

news

In recent news, I'm really stressed out. Thank God for wigs...they can surely brighten the greyest of days...

This is my friend Chemi, circa 1973, hangin' with the groupies backstage.

This is me, circa 1610, right after I met John Smith.

guess what

FREE CALLE 13 tonight in Madrid! Oh yeah, who's jealous? WHO?!

THIS IS WHO. COME VISIT!

Oh, it's nice having friends in Spain, even if they are sometimes a six-miserable-hours-on-a-shitty-bus away (20 Euros). Or a luxurious two and a half on a train, for three times the price (60 Euros).

Going to Valencia soon to see LUCIFER...this is Lucifer...

........................................................

....................

country road

Ayer soñaba que me iba sola

A un sin rumbo, sin miedo alguno

En el camino, yo voy a encontrar

A muchos amigos, y ganas de viajar

Country road

Debo seguir por aqui sin parar

Algún día sé que llegaré a la ciudad

Country road

Pasaré por momentos muy tristes

Pero no nunca me vais a poder ver llorar

Ahora mis recuerdos yo voy a hacer desaparecer

Olvidaré el ayer

Country road

No voy a ir hasta el lugar donde nací

Ya no puedo ir por tu senda

Guía me hoy

Country road

Country road

Vuelvo a ser la del ayer

Querré volar

No me esperes

Solo era un sueño

Te digo adios

Country road

(John Denver adaptation, Sussurros del Corazon)

FUNNY reblog

MTV cribs...in Panama.

I actually don't know these people nor do I know how I am connected to them, but I found their blog while digging around emails from the year 2008 (coincidently, I never found what I was actually looking for in the first place). They go by the names of Jay and Julia, and they were working in Central America for the Peace Corps. Pretty cool/funny stuff they have going on at Panablog. I'm also impressed by their technology skillz, especially considering they were in the middle of nowhere. If you have a minute, check it out. It's old news, but hilarious and a good, interesting read nonetheless.

craving...

Fall. Thank God for a five day weekend I have coming up in a few weeks. Let's see if I can scrape up enough cash for a mini road-trip. They say go north...keep an eye out for some moderately spectacular fall foliage photos.

miss you!

Nicole

Barcelona

June 2010